Learning to Dance

You can go through this kicking and screaming or laughing and dancing! Gilda Radner used that phrase in her book, “It’s Always Something”, describing her life from the I-now-have-cancer point of view. I read that book 16 years ago, and I still remember that phrase. I decided to claim it and own it, even if I don’t always live it. Just now I was thinking there aren't only two choices of kicking & screaming, or laughing & dancing. The third choice is sitting & watching.

I don’t know how to dance. It helps to understand that my sweet father truly believed that dancing was a sin, and taught me that “good girls” don’t dance. I didn’t own that concept, but I obeyed it out of respect for my father. My husband has tried to teach me to dance several times in our 30 years together. I’m not a total klutz, I just feel like a stranger on the dance floor. I usually sit at a table, enjoying watching others, but secretly wishing I could dance with them.

This weekend, at a beautiful wedding reception, I, as usual, sat and watched others dance. I was sad I never learned some of the steps so I could enjoy that with my husband and friends. Then something very important occurred to me, and I admitted it to the others at my table. It’s really quite simple, why I don’t dance: I’m concerned with what other people will think about the way I look when I dance. I saw several people dancing who looked, at least to some of us at that table, ridiculous. But what really mattered is this: They were dancing, and I was sitting.

I did try a few dances with my husband that night, including the really sweet Texas Two Step. I wasn’t comfortable, but it was fun. And it made my husband happy. Such a small thing. Today I found a website that has videos that demonstrate dance steps, and I think I could learn some.

The real lesson for me was not just about learning dance steps. Like Gilda Radner described, laughing and dancing is not just something we do. It’s the way we choose to go through life. I’m not really the kind of person who typically kicks & screams. But I also realized I don’t want to be one who always watches others. I’m trying new things these days. Reading new kinds of books; trying out new thoughts; learning new skills. I’m especially trying to not let what others think of me be what paralyzes me or keeps Me hidden.

I think I’m looking for the little girl inside of me who was told she shouldn’t dance. I want her to come out and play. I want her to learn to laugh & dance!